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Ondoy Aftermath

I'm still perplexed with the fact that I would actually see something this catastrophic brought about by just one day of intense raining. It's surreal.

Crap

Drowning in tons of pictures.. Have a week left on my vacation to finish my website and I'm nowhere near done. It's like scraping through heaps of garbage, hoping to find something shiny. Oh well, at least it's better than drowning with nothing (It's possible).

That thing called Love

Arduous. Mysterious. Intricate. Magical. Defining love is something that the human mind can never fully comprehend. It is something we all have experienced in our lives, one point or another, either copiously or inadequately. A feeling so heavenly divine yet can cause more melancholy than hell could ever dream to offer. It is a universal experience that everybody experiences uniquely. It is something that even the coldest and hardest of hearts would thirst for. Love can inspire the human spirit to accomplish anything it wills at best. It is something that only one's own heart could ever define or find. And I'm happy that I've found mine.

Chill Time

Got treated by my girlfriend to watch the Boys 2 Men concert so I got to treat my parents to go as well since they also like them. Am on vacation now, trying to put down the cameras but I somehow just can't.. I just HAD to have pictures of them. The concert was really nice, hearing songs I've grown up to. But it wasn't complete without Michael McCary who provides the bass for their songs. Still, it was a blast. Nothing beats old school dance moves :)

Getting A Move On

Finally getting the time to do my personal work. It has been that kind of liberating feeling that I have been chasing for. But I am honestly finding it difficult to start on documentary work when you have been so enthralled with the wires kind of work. But the important thing is to get started. No more excuses , no more slacking off. These stories need to be seen and heard. Keep posted.

Woof

Bono, the love of my life (apart from the girlfriend of course).

Instant Souvenir

Coming from Manila, I never expected that Laos could be a lot more backward than we are. People say that Vientiane shows hints of how Manila was some 30, even 50 years ago. No traffic.. Simple living.. Happy, kind and warm people on the streets.. Not even a building taller than 14 storeys in the whole country. It was really a laid-back atmosphere. Aside from the occasional Hummers and Mercedes Benz that come out of nowhere on dirt roads, everything seems to be a lot more behind.

But there was one slightly insignificant thing I noticed that they were able to overtake us with (well Beerlao came close) and it was the souvenir photographers at the Patouxay Monument at the center of the city. Something which I assumed is identical to the Rizal monument in Luneta Park here back home. The photographers had decent digital SLR cameras and hooked to it is a portable ixus printer along with a battery pack on their belts. How clever and cool is that??!

Our infamous Luneta photographers were the first thought that popped into my head as I saw these men that I found to be astue in terms of their business. They could really benefit from doing something like this back home. Tourists wouldn't want anything more than an instant photo souvenir that's printed right in front of them. Interesting.

Jaded in Vientiane

I needed to get away from Manila and here I am in Laos particularly in Vientiane. It's a nice, quiet city with pleasant people but it pretty much ends with that. I love the noodle soups and the cheap Beerlao but that's about it. I went for a quick visit to C.O.P.E. or Cooperative Orthotic and Prosthetic Enterprise, a rehab center providing training and support for people needing artificial limbs. I spent just a few minutes there but I couldn't remember the last time I felt like I was shooting something on my own content. It was liberating, even if it was just for half an hour and didn't even get anything great. The point was I did something for me - something I was genuinely interested in without needing the approval of anybody.

I don't know why but I just feel so uninspired. And again, comes a lot of maybes. Maybe I got so stuck with Siem Reap's magic that I could not appreciate the quiet little town that I was able to go through within a day. Maybe I'm too disappointed that my trip to Luang Prabang got cancelled because of the insanely strong rain the past days followed by fully booked flights on the day the skies cleared. Maybe I'm just too burnt out to appreciate anything.

In Acrid Memoriam

It was my first time to shoot inside the American memorial cemetery and I've never been to a more peaceful place within the jungle of Metro Manila. Everything about it was done in extremely strict yet tranquil symmetry - from the way the grass were trimmed, to the way the crosses were flawlessly arranged. It was the perfect place to rest for all eternity. I was never a big fan of the Americans, but I liked what they did with this one.

What ensnared my attention was all the names that were written on the pillars of the memorial, referring to the Filipinos. I never had a more disseminating figure of how many lives were lost. A list so vast, that it made the person almost - if not anonymous instead of recognized. All of this loss in order to give us the freedom we enjoy so much right now. We enjoy it so much that we take it for granted (just admit it).

It made me think. What if I was one of those who sacrificed for what's going on right now with our country? Would I be fulfilled? Would it have been worth it? Nah... I'd be very, very disappointed. To have a country taken over by heartless, selfish and egomaniacal pricks?? No wonder hardly anybody would die for this country today.

Family Ties

No, it's not an assignment for swine flu. I was lucky to have some time off so I could go up north with my family. It's been so long since I last got to spend time with my cousins. Last time I saw most of them, I was still in high school and most of them were innocent young toddlers. Everybody's growing up so fast, making me feel so old aleady. Time can go by so quickly, it takes you by surprise.

Kudos Pacman

I may not be a fan of his hubristic swagger but I do love how he made the country proud once more as well as uniting all of us even for the shortest of time.

Filipino Pride

Kudos to Brian Viloria and Nonito Donaire who held onto the IBF light flyweight and flyweight titles respectively. With all the arrogance and hype that surrounds the sport of boxing, actually shooting it and being there put into my perspective how it could be a source of national pride even just in an individual level; beyond the money-making and controversies that have embraced the sport.

No Room for Divinity

Third time's definitely not a charm. Was back in Cutud earlier today, it has always been a barometer of the knowledge I have acquired ever since I started my photography. It's a hellish coverage but what's more sickening than the searing heat that makes you ask the question what the fuck is your very being doing in such a Hadean environment is the fact that holiness is made into one big circus-like commodity wherein everybody wants to be the star - the penitents, the flagellants, the VIPs, even the media. No more room for authentic divinity. None at all.

Hell Week

Palm Sunday marks the start of the Holy Week which in turn is such a busy week for journalists. It's gonna be one helluva week.

Bienvenido!

Welcome to the world Sean Jacob Ravelo Gagalac! You'll be my first godchild in a few weeks time :)

Spent

Exhausted seems such a weak word for my state right now. Hours have been piling up and work is starting to feel like work with each day that passes by. I am not having fun anymore. Its the inevitability that cannot be avoided with anything that becomes routine.

Morning Glory

The countryside has always been special for me. A place where the bliss of serenity could be found in such simplicity. Away from the chaos of trying to keep up with the ruckus of the city life, I saw this farmer walking his way through a seemingly endless sight of the rice fields under the glorious first rays of the morning sun. It is a pleasant thing to realize how they have the privilege of making their way to work in all of this glory day in and day out.

Cherish the Day

We have everything to lose once we have everything. The tendency to take things for granted when it is in abundance seems like an inevitability. So we must not. Continue fighting and living for the things you love, even if familiarity and routine starts to take over.

Tough Love

It's funny how this world can seem to take away one's utopian sense of idealism and just simply haul it back down to earth and replace it with the verisimilitude of realism. Both have their advantages and disadvantages but I have always chosen to be an idealist. Because it is with that mindset that we get to use our heart and employ its will and sincerity to whatever we are doing. As an idealist, everything we do is a journey filled with excitement and powered by raging adrenaline to fulfill the desires that our hearts so strongly shouts. We let go, we fly, we flee to world that seems to be a playground. But once the realities of life come into play, rationality kicks in. We try to be in control of the things and factors in our life that we have always set us free. We try to be in control because we don't want to be controlled. For me, it is like putting a glass over a fire on a wick, with the aim of protecting it from the wind. But that barrier itself is thee that extinguished the flame. Innocence give us a state of mind that we can do and accomplish whatever we want to, just as long as we put are hearts in it. But as experiences and bumps on the road come along, the hard facts of life make themselves more and more pronounced therefore otherwise.

Catnaps

Not the most pleasant of places to take a nap in.. But when exhaustion kicks in, anywhere would do.

Simple Lavishness

Filipinos love to feast. Festivities have been an inextricable part of Filipino culture as far as I know. Most of them have to do with religious persona such as the Virgin Mary or the Santo Nino. For reasons other than of devotion, feasts have provided the prosaic citizen an escape from the uniformity of difficult situations they have to endeavor day in and day out.



I took these photos when I stumbled upon the small barangays in Guadalupe as they caroused during the feast of Nuestra Senora. It wasn't the most propertied of areas, making it ironic as it is located in the country's financial district. The feast itself is not as big as the famous ones such as the Dinagyang and Sinulog. Yet, the place was overflowing with booze, food and the most noticable of them all - laughter, as much as any bigger feast would have.

Somehow, it reflected within me how my countrymen have this uncanny ability to take pause and have a marvelous time no matter what the circumstaces may be. With all this talk of corruption, recession, oil, food and even LPG prices going up, it's nice to see our sense of making marry never withers. For a day, residents enthralled themselves is lavishness - even if how simple it could be.

Rakrakan

Flarin' It Up

Every once in a while we get a photograph that we cannot seem to understand how it came to be. This was one of them for me :)

Kung Hei Fat Choy

Happy Lunar New Year everybody :)

When Photojournalists Get Bored...

...We put mascots on and try to stab each other.

At Heart

Children romping around, dousing in all gaiety at random is a wonder that never fails to snatch my attention. I revel in shooting children at play. Not because they're the most effortless of subjects to take photos of, but rather because they are the strongest reminders of how free and fun life used to be way back when we were all innocent.

Pananampalataya

"Pananampalatayta" denotes faith in my native tongue. Our country is considered as the eminent Catholic country in south east Asia. I was born and raised as a devout Catholic, ever zealous of all its teachings and praxis, but I do admit that mine has dwindled in recent years.I have always been fascinated by the event ever since I became a photographer, and this year was my first time to actually be there.



I never imagined for the life of me that an unbelievable mass of people actually go to this event year in and year out barefooted and all, risking life and limb to touch or even get a glimpse of the revered statue. I incessantly get to watch this event on television but it was flat out when you see it in all its actuality.



Everybody told me that I would be a fool to get myself in the crowd. As the devotees started to push and shove one another just to get to the rope, I immediately understood why my friends were all telling me not to go in. The feeling was literally like being dragged by the waves of the sea. Seeing an unconscious body being passed on in front of me gave me a perturbed feeling that I was going to be next.



There seemed to be no sign of attrition form the devotees as the procession carried on. Vast amounts of people ranging from the senescent to infants; the healthy and the frail were all there walking barefoot in their devotion. I found it weird that I was enthralled in stupefaction as I was witnessing the whole thing instead of being moved by it.



I don't think it's faith that I gave up on but more of the system and the formality of the church. The church's red tape decorum limited me in truly experiencing God. It seems as if they have so many conditions and requirements for us to have him in our lives. This is the reason why I find the thought of the church somewhat noxious. I'd rather see and feel God outside on my own in whatever way he wants me instead of having to go through priests, requirements, ceremonies and suchlike. The aspect of God in our lives should be a natural emphatic choice, not enforced and conditional.



I was all set to pull out and go back to the office at around 4pm since I have been working from 8am when I suddenly got assigned to take a position atop the church to shoot the arrival of the statue which was expected to be back at 6pm. It got back at around 9 instead. I was enervated. I am well accustomed to waiting for long hours but this was different.



Being there on the tower with a correspondent from the BBC somewhat gave me an insight how the western world perceive these kinds of events. One part he was so amazed on with all that was happening while on the other he couldn't believe how desperate all these people looked. During this time I was balancing on two resonant sentiments. One for my own practice of my faith wherein which I try to control the way I relate to God and on the other hand the austere surrender of the people below were showing; totally submitting one's self is a different high that one could get. The event in my opinion is the epitome of the thin borderline separating unfeinged faith and the fraught undertakings us Filipinos would go through to escape the pangs of life on this earth. The latter especially evident once you get to talk to the Devotees.



As the Nazarene was slowly brought back home, the perspective atop the church was a spectacle that moved the numbed reception I had all day for this event. My antipathy for traditional religious praxis was replaced with awe and reverence by the sight of an ocean of people who collectively came as a whole for something that they believe in. The devotees sang and chanted hymns of praise and worship. To see it all happening from up there was stupefying - it was as close of a view you can get if you were in heaven. It was a milieu so moving, not even God and the angels could afford to ignore it.

En Cours

'08 passed by in leisure. It's time to put things into perspective and get back to work.

Usukan

Paolo Picones. Photographer/Ninjakol.

Perfekt

'08 was a year filled with genial stupefaction. It was a year that made me appreciate the fact that the best things come in the most abrupt of natures. Finally finding a set of amigos who are genuine and staunch has carried me to significant heights both as a person and a photographer. I've always thought that I could be just fine on my own but as I found myself surrounded by such good company made me see how uplifted an individual could be because of nonpareil camaraderie. Masked in idiocy and ridicule, my friends has never failed to give me that push and inspiration when life's situations ultimately requires profoundness.



It was one of those years in which everything seemed to go your way. Career was great. No awards, no grants nor recognition but I've never been a fan of those. It was a great year in the sense that I felt like I was able to do my job well and at the same time quench my thirst to know and learn more about the world I live in. I got to see and share stuff that elicited robust sentiments within me. The trip to the Angkor photography workshop opened my eyes even more, giving me that conviction to see the world with further acuteness.



But it was at the end of the year that I conceded to the fact that it was mine. Something that I refused to assume. There is no better feeling for me than the moment we encounter someone who fits immaculately with your being.. Someone who effortlessly drenches your actuality with ardor and benevolence.. Someone who could just embezzle you away from life's throbbings and bring you the most elusive of life's stupefaction which is peace. That's when I knew I have found what I have been looking for.

That Bay Feeling

Time and again I have traipsed to Manila Bay whenever I am in search for a fleeting moment of repose and tranquility. I adore how the warmth of the glorious sunsets kiss my face and how the scene enclasps me with all its splendor. I have seen a profusion of sunsets everywhere but nothing compares to the ones here at home. It's great to be back.

Uhm

I turned 24 a couple of days ago. Initially it felt like an ordinary, wonted day.. No plans, no celebrations, no nothing. But when good friends started to come in and be part of my day, that's when it becomes different. The best things in life are those that happen in such stupefaction that you are swept away by the moment no matter how effortless they could be. Good company is somewhat scarce in our time today. I'm glad I have mine.

Khmer Country

So many variables have almost prevented me from making this trip. It's funny how things that are meant to be fall into place in the most unexpected of ways. I'm happy to be here.

Bastards

No alcohol, no work, no Vietnam, and possibly no Cambodia because of these two fucks. I never thought in my whole life that our teeth have the power to bring us down.

Daydreamin

Me at Juan and Trisha's place. Yearning of owning my own personal sanctum like theirs someday... Soon.

Noelle

My little piece of heaven on earth.

At Home

It's quite interesting how we could find calm in the most contradicting manner. I frequent this dump site in Tondo whenever the pangs of this shambolic being tend to get the best of me. It's a place I feel at home at, despite the enormously desolate milieu that has become the embodiment of the area.


The dump is both a symbol of resiliency and despair. Everywhere you look, people are trying to make a living out of whatever is thrown there. Thousands of residents make a living out of scavenging for recyclables such as plastics and metals. At an area where charcoal is made, workers of all ages sweat it out all day in order to put food on the table at the day's end. The seemingly eternal stream of smoke is awfully painful even just after five minutes of being engulfed by it. But they are immersed in it for hours and hours on a daily basis.



Despite the cloak of obvious bleakness surrounding the residents, sparks of conviction start to show once you get to talk to the residents. A lot of them have accepted the fact that they have not been blessed with the kind of life that most of us have. But day in and day out they break their bones working for so little instead of resorting to illegal means such as theft or drugs. All the hard work done with the motivating force of having an honest life along with the hopes of having a better tomorrow for them and their children. It may be such an ascending aspiration from their position, but it is something that is truly admirable.


At the end of the day, seeing the workers play a small game of volleyball was such a entrancing sight. For me it was a testament of how the human spirit could carry on despite everything else that is happening. The residents seemed to be happy and content, which made me start to think why I was not. All of a sudden, I found a certain calm by seeing how beautifully simple life could be. I haven't gone to church for almost a year now because I can't seem to find God and his goodness within the confides of the pretentious structure. Instead, I see and feel more of him whenever I am at such places which in totality, is a way better, more intimate manifestation of his grace than attending an unnecessary formality.

Foxy Boxing

Lady boxing at a pub in Malate, Manila.

Looking for Peace

A restless soul has the tendency to bring us to disparate places in search of calm. Everybody seems to be in a quest for tranquilty or even just a sense of it nowadays. It's so hard to believe that it is within us that it can be found.

Après Batifoler

It is an inevitability of life that we meet people who make time worthwhile. Whether it is a day, a week or a minute.. It's the ramifications we have shared that last us a lifetime.

Remembering Bangkok

Was scanning through the photos I took from my last Bangkok trip and I really had a nostalgic moment just as if I was there yesterday. Anything that has been your first is really hard to forget in my opinion. Especially when you come across stickers such as this no-farting one I saw inside one of the cabs.

Dutdutan '08

Seeing tattoos meticulously done such as this one made me want to get one myself. But I guess I'm too much of a chicken to face the enormous potential of regretting and not being able to change it sometime in the future. Dutdutan was fun, and I saw how a lot of people have this certain love affair with tattoos. It was art for me, and not a means of vandalizing one's body like what the common notion says. I've always been fascinated with tattoos and the thought of having one. I admired the enormous variety on display there, but it's not for me.

Bad Ads

A few days ago I got an offer to from a big advertising agency here in Manila. They said that they wanted to use some of my photos for the promotion of Cinemanila. I was open to the idea since I believe in Cinemanila's potential to help out emerging filmmakers develop and share their stories. They sent me the drafts and I was shocked with what they wanted to do. Here are the samples they wanted to do.







I felt totally appalled the moment I saw their proposal. Why? They utterly took the subjects and their situations out of context. It definitely did not give justice to the realities that the photographs carried. Their plight is not material for any poster or any marketing schemes. I was very offended, not just as a photographer but also as somebody who was there to interact with them. I saw how heartless and insensitive the world of advertising could be.

I took these photographs and posted them on my pages because they elicited strong emotions which drew me to take it. Not because I wanted to make money out of it; not because I wanted to win awards nor for it to be a testament to my skills as a photographer. Hell no. But because these images called me and struck a certain sentiment. And that's what I hope I could share.

Making money is a rational inevitability in today's world. Especially in photography. I could just imagine how I would be so flattered to get an offer like this and an opportunity to get published if I was still in the stages of being naive as a young and starting photographer. We should not be swayed with such things even if the pay is tempting. In my opinion as somebody who is still very much starting out, this practice of documentary and photojournalism should have the subjects be the champions of our work. It shouldn't be about the egos, the claim to fame, awards or anything else. Not even the by-line. Content should be given supreme importance. One can call me being such an idealist, but hey - there's no price on being able to sleep with a clear conscience at the end of the day.

At Play

Another slow day and I was tasked to look for stand-alones. Driving all the way to the coastal areas of Cavite seem to have a calming effect on me. Talking to the people who work in the wet market by the shoreline; connecting with the consideable amount of Ilonggos who have made their way there for hopes of a better life than the province; hearing their stories and sharing laughs; sampling the fantastic kinilaw (though their freshness can seriously be doubted since it was caught off polluted waters) by one of the karinderias there or just the usual adobo.. It's a very homey feeling. I saw these kids playing with their makeshift rafts, and it has been a common sight ever since before I was born. I love going to Cavite since I never felt that I was working. Instead, I was always at play.

Running to Stand Still

I came to Bangkok with a full-blown coup stamped inside my mind. My penchant of being in a conflict situation, even as minute of a scale as this one, pushed me to get out of my shell and pursue it. I finally gave in to my urge of going out of my country with the hopes of experiencing something different from the wonted routines I had in Manila. So I finally decided to embark on my first trip to a foreign country by myself.

The first nights brought me to a high of how Thais do their protests. Everything was new to me. They were well-organized; free food and water for everybody. They virtually made the government house their home. Everybody bathed and slept there. The Thais were amazingly warm to the media. Not just the PAD but even the everyday Thai you would meet on the streets. The feeling of being there to witness and be part of something big in their history was something that was assimilated within me at first. Yes, they have done this a million times before, but it was their first time to be able to occupy the government house which was a reason why a lot of people invested to cover the volatile situation.



Camping out night after night at the government palace were followed by dyspeptic feelings of disappointment as every night went quiet. My initial presumptions of riots and unrest as a diurnal occasion in Bangkok disappeared with each quiet night that passed by. So I decided to shoot daily life inside the grounds instead. On my fifth day of traipsing around the camp until dawn, the waiting game struck me as one that is already futile. I finally acknowledged the fact that I went here with such audacity only to find myself not getting what I came for.



The painful realization of falling flat on my face and not getting what I expected drove me back to a day of solitude inside my hotel, enervated like never before. Everything from the expenses to the hasty decision started to rattle my head and began to sprung out emotions such as regret and even foolishness. It seemed as if all the lines were lost and everything was all drawn out. I found myself asking the same question that drove me to fly all the way here.. The same question I was hoping to quench with an answer -

What now?

From the clouding frustration, a clearer mindset was born. The acceptance that this event was not meant for me. I missed the whole thing by a day during my previous trip; ditched Phuket; compromised one or two things back home only to find out that it would never be the way I hoped it to be. It was humbling, but at the end of the day it was just a matter of detachment. There were other things to do in Bangkok rather than just wilt myself hoping to shoot any ruckus that might happen. So many stories, so many interesting things to photograph. But instead of picking up my camera and shoot everything and anything I could, I decided to switch off.

I went out to explore Bangkok not as a photographer firsthand, but as somebody who was having his first taste of life outside his country independently. I went to all the places I wanted to and was curious about, not with photographs in mind. I ate all the curry, pad thai and tom yam that I could; drank all the nai cha; met so many random people from different races and cultures at Khao San and Sukhumvit; finally went to the floating market and rode a freakin' elephant at last. Yeah, all the things a tourist would do. And it was fun.

I realized that when one is traveling alone, one is not really traveling alone. You are accompanied by all your thoughts, dreams , fears, frustrations, fascinations - a magnitude of emotions which make their presence adamantly pronounced when you find yourself alone in unfamiliar territory. Photographically, I don't think I achieved anything. But this certainly was a huge stepping stone for me in terms of traveling. It definitely opened my eyes, my mind and my heart to how life could be outside the confides of my own country. I may have jeopardized one or two things to make this trip, but getting in touch with one's self is priceless. No regrets at all.

Roundtrip

Back in Bangkok, seeing what's in store for me. It's trippy as usual, even the demonstrations.

Something Fishy

I love shooting in wet markets. Besides smelling like fish and slaughtered meat afterwards, interesting photos and people are just there waiting to be stumbled upon.

Bangkok Trippin

Bangkok was such a trippy place to be in. Saw so many interesting and unusual places fresh to my existence. It's funny how going to other places stimulate an insatiable desire to traverse and wander throughout this world that we live it. Three short days weren't enough to digest the new experience. And the thing was I missed the big protests, currently going on there right now by just one day, and it could've been a really good opportunity. It sucks like a bitch but that's how life goes.

Do or Don't

Photographing people in desolate situations could invoke a diverging emotion within one's self. I took this photo of Gael, 10 years of age, as I was looking for a photo of daily life for work. He was scavenging the polluted shores of Manila Bay for plastic recyclables to be sold. I was really disheartened as I followed him wading through all the garbage on his bare feet. A child this young should be studying; or even just be playing instead of risking his health and safety to earn cash.

Yes, a lot told me that it was a nice photo. But it should be more than that. Taking photos of people in such conditions and showing it to the world could sound very cold; heartless even. But personally I felt that these realities, coated with all the harshness, should be seen. A lot would argue with me on this one but at the end of the day it all boils down to the subject. I never took this with a prize or acclaim in mind. I took this because it evoked certain feelings and realizations of how unforgiving life is for a lot of people. And that I intend to share.

It is a constant dissenting stand that photographers around the world face in my own opinion. Photographers are the eyes of a lot of people whether it is life's most beautiful moments, down to the worst things mankind could ever see. I do believe that these images are to be shared, not just as a pretty photograph, but with the essence of the subjects that come along with it.